(A page in my journal written not so long ago. Tears fill my eyes as I read over these words - the emotions still real and very present. I'm grateful that some of these questions now have answers, while I wait and hope expectantly for more to be revealed.)
How does a daughter sleep when the only man that has loved her unconditionally lies in a hospital bed, 71 days and counting? How can rest be possible when a heart is aching to simply be hugged by her dad who may never again have the strength to wrap his arms around her? Can comfort ever be found when nights of crying herself to sleep have become an evening ritual? All the hoping and wishing and willing don’t offer up enough power to make everything the way it once was, the way things used to be.
Oh how the last few months have stirred up so many questions deep in my soul. And I stand amazed at how the Lord has sustained me, yet find myself wondering what’s the point of life anyway? I wonder if there really is nothing I can do to fix this, to make things better? And I wrestle with how life can go on for everyone else while mine seems to be stuck in July. And I think how much I love that man and how lucky I am that I was chosen to be his. And I wrestle with how to keep hoping when all the evidence points in the opposite direction. And I cling to the promises that He makes all things new, that He puts my tears in a bottle and that a day is coming soon when every tear will be wiped away and death will be no more. And I pray for peace, for comfort, for continued strength. And I wonder why God loves me, a broken sinner, enough to even listen to my cries. And I’m reminded there’s purpose in this and all things are for His glory and my joy. But the questions still form and probably always will…
“For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.” Revelation 7:17