December 18, 2010

An Honest Confession

A birthday came and went. Not just a typical birthday. Mine never are. I was headed to Mexico to celebrate with some of the sweetest faces and kindest hearts I've ever known. However, I knew a wrestling match was about to take place in my heart.

As the weeks led up to my celebration, a battle began to rage inside me – between flesh and Spirit. One like never before. The enemy came strong this time and I fell hard for the lies and deceit that were thrown my way. I traveled down the ugly trail that led to entitlement, pride, fear, bitterness and frustration – a deadly combination that resulted in me playing God and demanding things, answers from the one, true Messiah.

Thankfully the Lord lovingly showed me where I had began to grasp on to ideas, expectations, and desires so tightly that over time they had quickly and quietly become idols in my life.

I was so focused on what I thought my life should look like that I completely disregarded all the unbelievable experiences He has allowed me to be a part of along the way.

I arrived at a crossroads where I had to obediently lay down my dreams, desires, and passions with the reality that they may never come to be. That was (and is) tough and grieving was an important part of the surrender.

All I can honestly say as I kneel at the foot of the Cross is that He is my hope. I trust Him with my life and my future. And regardless if my dreams become reality or my life takes a completely different turn, He is God and His love for me is relentless.

“The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” Lamentations 3:25-26

1 comment:

Carol said...

You bless my heart.